5 ตัวอย่าง “Essay” ที่ได้คะแนนในพาร์ท writing ของข้อสอบ IELTS ถึง 8 คะแนน!!

ข้อสอบ IELTS ในพาร์ท writing ถือได้ว่าเป็นพาร์ทปราบเซียนเลยก็ว่าได้ สำหรับเพื่อนๆคนไหนที่กำลังเตรียมตัวในการสอบ IELTS อยู่ละก็ บทความนี้ผมก็มีตัวอย่างของการเขียน essay จำนวน 5 ชิ้นที่ได้คะแนนถึง 8 คะแนนมาฝาก ซึ่งเขียนโดยนักเรียนและได้รับการเช็คคำตอบคุณครูผู้สอน IELTS นั่นเองครับ

 

homework

 

1. As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom.

There is no doubt that education and the learning process has changed since the introduction of computers: The search for information has become easier and amusing, and connectivity has expedited the data availability. Though experts systems have made computers more intelligent, they have not yet become a substitute of the human interaction in the learning process. In my opinion what can be expected is a change of the teachers’ role, but not their disappearance from the classroom.

Nobody can argue that the acquisition of knowledge is more fun and easier with computers. The mere activity of touching and exploring this device constitutes an enjoyable task for a child. This, accompanied by the relaxing attitude and software interactivity, usually contributes to a better grasping of new knowledge. At a higher educational level the availability of digital books, simulators and other academic materials provide the student with an ever accessible source of information, that otherwise would not be at hand.

But, besides the increasing complexity and behavior of intelligent software, which is usually embedded in the academic digital material, the need for human interaction in the learning process will always be present, at least in the foreseeable future. There is the necessity for a human being to be able to determine what the specifics needs of each individual are. The expertise of a teacher in how to explain and adapt complex concepts to different individuals can hardly be mimicked by a computer, no matter how sophisticated its software is.

As computers are becoming a common tool for teaching, teachers should be more aware of their role as guides in the acquisition of knowledge rather than transmitters of facts. They have to be open minded to the changes that are taking places, keep updated and serve as problem solvers in the learning process, thus allowing students to discover the fact for themselves.

To summarize, in my personal view, teachers play and will continue to play an important role in the classroom, especially at the primary level. No matter how complex computers become, there will be no replacement for the human interaction, but in the way haw this interaction takes place.

ความเห็นจากคุณครู: This is an excellent essay! Are you a native English speaker? Well done. The only problem is that this essay is too long, 365 words instead of 250-265 maximum.

 

2. Popular events like the Football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tension and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.

Every four years, the whole world stops to watch international sporting events such as the Olympics and the Football World Cup in which athletes show their best performance to make their country proud. These sporting occasions have proved to be helpful in easing international tension in difficult times when powerful leaders were trying to control the world’s economy and other governments were fighting over the land.

The Olympic Games are one of the best examples which prove how sporting events can bring nations together, at least temporarily. From the ancient History, when Greeks and Romans would interrupt battles to participate in the games, to the more recent international disputes, when athletes from Palestine and Israel would forget their differences, compete peacefully and even embrace each other after an event. Moreover, these popular events have called the world’s attention to the terrible consequences of wars; thus some leaders have tried to reach agreements to end their disputes and live peacefully.

Similarly, international sporting events show benefits in some developing countries which live in a daily internal civil war. For example, Brazil has a high rate of unemployment, lack of education, hunger, crime, poverty and corruption which leads to an immense embarrassment of being Brazilian and a low self-esteem. However, when the Football World Cup starts, the Brazilian squad, which is considered the best team in the world, provokes an amazing feeling of pride in their country. Most people seem to forget all their problems and even the criminal activity decreases. They paint roads with the national colors, wear the Brazilian team shirts and buy national flags. Moreover, the competition brings families and neighbors together and even rival gangs watch the games and celebrate peacefully.

In conclusion, popular sporting events play an important role in decreasing international tensions and liberating patriotic feelings as history has shown.

ความเห็นจากคุณครู: This is a great essay, the ideas, language, structure of paragraphs and sentences, and your grammar show a good command of the English language. In my opinion it is Band 8. Keep up the good work.

 

3. Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.

Today’s world has been divided into developing and industrialised countries which the main difference between them is the amount of money that governments apply in important sectors such as education, health and commerce. Most of the poorer nations are buried in debts as a result of their unbalanced finances which are reflect in a failed health care, an unstructured education system and a weak international trade. This vicious cycle will continue indefinitely unless wealthier nations show interest in minimizing the worldwide economic differences, as well as taking more responsibility for assisting less fortunate countries.

Most of the African countries live in sub-human conditions because of the extreme poverty, upheaval, hunger, disease, unemployment, lack of education and both inexperienced and corrupt administrations. The devastating consequences of the AIDS epidemic in those countries could improve if the infected population were to receive free drugs to control the disease, have access to health professionals and get information on how to prevent its spread. But this can only be achieved through international help programs in which leaders of the world’s richest countries donate medicine and also send doctors and nurses to treat and educate those in need.

Moreover, most of the poor countries rely on selling agricultural products and raw materials to rich nations and buying industrialized products from them resulting in a huge financial deficit. Consequently, they borrow a significant amount of money from the World Bank to try to improve their broken economies, but sometimes the money disappears with no significant changes and they cannot even pay the interest to the bank. Regarding this issue, last year the G8, which is comprised of leaders of the eight richest nations, decided to forgive billions of dollars worth of debt owed by the world’s poorest nations. In addition, they developed adequate loan programs to financially assist those countries.

In conclusion, leaders of the industrialised countries play an indispensable role in assisting developing nations in dealing with essential areas such as health, education and trade. Also, their aid is the key to breaking the vicious cycle, which results in poverty and death.

ความเห็นจากคุณครู: This is a great essay, seems to be on a Band 8 level, there’s nothing to improve here.

 

4. As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom.

There have been immense advances in technology in most aspects of people’s lives, especially in the field of education. Nowadays, an increasing number of students rely on computers for research and to produce a perfect paper for school purposes. Others have decided to leave the original way of learning and to get knowledge through online schools. These changes in the learning process have brought a special concern regarding the possible decrease of importance of teachers in the classroom.

Some people believe the role of teachers started to fade because computers have been helping some students to progress in their studies quicker compared to studies in an original classroom. For example, in the same classroom, students have different intellectual capacities, thus some would be tied to a slow advance in their studies because of others’ incapability of understanding. In this way, pupils could progress in their acquisition of knowledge at their own pace using computers instead of learning from teachers.

However, the presence of a teacher is essential for students because the human contact influences them in positive ways. Firstly, students realize that they are not dealing with a machine but with a human being who deserves attention and respect. They also learn the importance of studying in a group and respect for other students, which helps them improve their social skills.

Moreover, teachers are required in the learning process because they acknowledge some students’ deficiencies and help them to solve their problems by repeating the same explanation, giving extra exercises or even suggesting a private tutor. Hence, students can have a better chance of avoiding a failure in a subject.

In conclusion, the role for teachers in the learning process is still very important and it will continue to be such in the future because no machine can replace the human interaction and its consequences.

ความเห็นจากคุณครู: This is a great essay. Seems worthy of Band 8. No improvements are necessary, keep up the good work!

 

5. Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is an obvious fact that financial aspects are a major part of the daily life, as an adult and even as a young individual. Each and every one of us has to make financial decisions concerning recreation, health, education and more. The question is whether to start with financial education as part of school program or to postpone it for a later stage in life.

To begin with, being able to understand the value of money, the way the economic system works and to interpret financial news and its implications is a virtue. Without this virtue, an individual, even a young one, might suffer to some extent. For an example, a child who doesn’t understand the concept of money might find it more difficult to except choosing only one present out of more possible ones.

In addition, many adults are lacking capability of financial analysis. Quite often, the reason can be the lack of sound foundations or insecurity when it comes to financial terms and concepts. Starting from an early age, building a strong background, can very likely prevent such situation.

However, financial education necessarily involves quantifying and setting prices and value for services and goods. It can easily turn young people into cynical human beings who lack emotion. Furthermore, a tendency to self-concentration and egoism might rise when one start measuring everything from a profit-making perspective.

In conclusion, financial education has both pros and cons. In my opinion, the advantages are more significant than the disadvantages, making financial education an advisable component of the school program. The disadvantages should be thought of as a certain price that young people have to pay due to the characteristics of the world that we live in.

ความเห็นจากคุณครู: This is a wonderful essay. It covers the task, is correctly structured, the paragraphs are logically connected, the structure of sentences shows excellent command of the English language. The vocabulary is fine and both spelling and grammar are very good. See comments underlined in blue for some minor corrections. Overall, looks like a Band 7.5 – Band 8 essay.

 

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